Let me ask you something…

When you set goals for yourself to become more disciplined, get stronger, make more money, and command respect, who are you really trying to prove something to?

Most guys will say "myself."

But if you dig deeper, there's something else driving it. Something you probably don't even realize.

You're trying to become the father you never had.

Not literally. But the energy. The presence. The masculine standard you wish someone had shown you.

And it's running your entire life without you even knowing it.

Because most men grew up with 1 of 2 scenarios…

Scenario 1: Dad was physically there, but emotionally absent. Worked all the time. Never taught you how to be a man. Never showed you what masculine leadership looked like. You were raised, but not mentored.

Scenario 2: Dad wasn't there at all. Or he was weak. Passive. Not the model of strength and certainty you needed. So you had to figure it out alone.

Either way, you grew up with a Father Void.

And here's the wild part…

Your brain is hardwired to fill that void.

So unconsciously, you're trying to become the man you wish your father was.

The disciplined one. The confident one. The one who had his shit together. The one who could lead without hesitation.

You're not just building yourself. You're building the version of masculinity you never saw modeled.

And look, there's nothing wrong with that. But here's the problem:

You're chasing an idealized version that doesn't actually exist. And it's making you feel like you're never enough.

This is called the "Father Void" Effect.

Psychologists have studied this for decades. Men who grew up without strong father figures tend to…

Sound familiar?

You work your ass off. Hit your goals. And still feel like you're not quite there yet.

That's not ambition. That's the Father Void running your operating system.

You're unconsciously trying to earn approval from a father figure who either wasn't there or wasn't the man you needed him to be.

And no amount of achievement will ever fill that void. Because the void isn't about what you accomplish. It's about what you never received.

And here’s what this costs you…

You're never satisfied. You hit milestones and feel empty because you're chasing validation that can't come from external achievement.

You're harder on yourself than anyone else. Because you're trying to live up to a standard set by an absent or inadequate father figure.

You struggle to accept yourself as you are. Because you believe you need to become someone else and someone "better" to finally be worthy.

You burn out. Because you're grinding to prove something to a ghost. And ghosts don't give approval.

Bro, I've seen this in hundreds of men. The high achievers who still feel inadequate. The disciplined guys who still beat themselves up. The successful ones who still feel like frauds.

They're all chasing the same thing: the father they never had.

So here’s the shift I want you to try…

You need to stop trying to become your idealized father. And start becoming your own standard of manhood.

Not what you think a "real man" should be based on some fantasy father figure.

But what you believe masculinity looks like. Based on your values. Your experiences. Your truth.

And here's how…

1. Recognize the pattern

Ask yourself: "Am I setting this standard because I want it? Or because I'm trying to become the father I wish I had?"

If it's the latter, you're chasing a ghost. Redefine the standard on your terms.

2. Give yourself the validation you're seeking

You're waiting for some external authority figure to tell you you're enough. That person doesn't exist.

So become that person for yourself. Acknowledge your progress. Celebrate your wins. Be the father figure to yourself that you never had.

3. Separate your worth from your achievement

Your value isn't tied to how disciplined, successful, or strong you become.

You're worthy now. Not when you "arrive." Not when you become the idealized version. Now.

4. Build your own masculine identity

Stop modeling yourself after the father you never had. Start modeling yourself after the man you want to be.

Not based on lack. Based on vision.

You stop chasing ghosts. Your goals become about what you want, not what you think you're supposed to want.

You find peace with yourself. Because you're no longer measuring yourself against an impossible standard.

You enjoy the process. Because you're building for you, not trying to earn approval from someone who was never there.

You become the father figure you needed. Not just for yourself—but for the people around you. Your future kids. Your friends. The men in your circle.

That's when the cycle breaks.

So…

Ask yourself right now.

"What standards am I holding myself to that aren't actually mine? What am I trying to prove, and to who?"

Write it down. Look at it honestly.

Then ask, "If I removed the Father Void from this equation, what would I actually want for myself?"

That's your real standard. That's what you build toward.

Not to fill a void. But to create something real.

Own your standard,

Okello Luri

P.S. The father you never had can't validate you. But you can validate yourself. And the moment you do, everything changes. Stop chasing the ghost. Start building the man.