Paint this picture…

You're on a date. Or with your girlfriend. Or talking to a woman you're interested in.

And without realizing it, you're constantly checking.

Checking her facial expressions. Checking her body language. Checking if she's still interested. Checking if what you said landed right.

You adjust your energy based on her response. You change your tone. You soften your opinions. You become whoever you think she wants you to be.

And the more you do this, the less attracted she becomes.

Not because you're being considerate. Because you're seeking her validation.

And the thing is…

You're outsourcing your sense of worth to her reactions.

When she smiles, you feel good about yourself. When she seems distant, you panic and try harder.

You're not showing up as yourself. You're performing. And hoping she approves of the performance.

This is called external validation-seeking, and it's the fastest way to kill attraction.

Because women aren't attracted to men who need their approval. They're attracted to men who are grounded in their own self-worth regardless of her response.

Masculine energy is self-validating. Feminine energy is drawn to that.

When you seek her validation, you flip the polarity. You become the one seeking approval. She becomes the one giving or withholding it.

And attraction dies.

So…

You need to become internally referenced, not externally referenced.

Externally referenced: Your mood, confidence, and self-worth depend on external feedback.

Internally referenced: Your mood, confidence, and self-worth come from within. External feedback doesn't shake you.

This doesn't mean you ignore her. It means you're not dependent on her reactions to feel okay about yourself.

And you’ll start with this…

The Grounding Practice

Before any interaction with a woman, whether that be a date, conversation, whatever, do this…

Step 1: Check in with yourself

Put your hand on your chest. Take 3 deep breaths. Ask yourself…

"Who am I independently of her response?"

Not who you want her to think you are. Who you actually are when nobody's watching.

Step 2: Anchor in your values

Remind yourself of 3 things that are true about you regardless of her approval:

Whatever is true for you. Write them down if needed.

Step 3: Release the outcome

Tell yourself: "Her response doesn't define me. I'm showing up as myself. What happens next is out of my control."

This isn't pretending not to care. It's genuinely releasing attachment to her validation.

Do this before interactions. It takes 90 seconds. And it completely shifts your energy.

Why does this work?

Because…

You stop performing. You start being.

You stop adjusting your energy based on her reactions. You hold your own frame.

You stop seeking approval. You offer your authentic self and let her choose whether she's in or out.

And paradoxically? This makes you infinitely more attractive.

Because confidence isn't loud. Confidence is calm. It's being completely okay with yourself whether she approves or not.

That energy is magnetic. Women feel it immediately.

A real example of this is…

Another guy I worked with would go on dates and constantly monitor how they were going. Reading her every reaction. Adjusting his stories. Playing it safe.

He got a lot of second dates. But they always fizzled. She'd lose interest. He'd wonder what he did wrong.

After implementing the Grounding Practice, he told me, "I went on a date last week. And for the first time, I wasn't thinking about whether she liked me. I was just... present. Being myself. She texted me after saying it was the best date she'd had in months."

That's not technique. That's presence.

And when you stop seeking validation…

Your anxiety around women disappears. Because you're not dependent on their approval.

Your conversations become effortless. Because you're not calculating every word.

You become naturally attractive. Because women feel your groundedness and self-assurance.

You respect yourself. Because you're no longer contorting yourself for approval.

This is what masculine presence actually is. Not arrogance. Not bravado. Just being completely solid in who you are, regardless of external feedback.

Use the Grounding Practice before your next interaction with a woman.

90 seconds. Hand on chest. 3 breaths.

"Who am I independently of her response?"

Anchor in your values. Release the outcome.

Then show up and be that person. Not the performing version. The real version.

Do this consistently, and you'll notice a shift within 2 weeks. Conversations feel different. Women respond differently. You feel different.

Because you've stopped seeking validation and started being the source of it.

Stay grounded,

Okello Luri

P.S. The moment you stop needing her approval is the moment she starts seeking yours. That's polarity. That's attraction. That's how this actually works.